Date a girl for who she is

Date a girl who isn’t a romanticized idea that you’ve built up in your head. Date a girl who pursues what she loves, whether it’s clothes or books or traveling. She might not like the things you like, but at least she’s her own person and not just someone who lives her life around you.

Find a girl who has her own life. You might not recognize her because you’ll be too busy trying to see who you want to see. She might be carrying a purse or a backpack—how do you expect to have any idea how she chooses her luggage of choice when you barely know her?

She’s the girl you’ll see walking down the street, buying groceries, or out with her friends. She might be talking on the phone, or reading a book, or buying tickets for her next travel, if she happens to enjoy traveling. If you want to know who she is, ask. You can’t know someone’s life based on something as banal as reading a book in a coffeshop.

Ask her for her opinion and actually listen to it. Don’t expect an answer and reject her if she doesn’t say what you want to hear. Get to know her for who she is. Don’t assume she’ll like all the things you like.

It might be easy to date this girl. It might be difficult. Try not to make sweeping generalizations about an entire gender. If you’re trying to connect to a girl based on one character trait that you’re not even sure she possesses, you won’t be satisfied.

Is this girl worth it? Maybe. You have to decide that when you meet her. When she says she loves you, she might not mean it. Maybe she will. Maybe she’s not worth it. Are you really asking the Internet about whether or not you’ve met your soulmate? When you know, you’ll know—if you’re not sure, you have your answer.

Date a girl for who she is. Don’t decide that she’s your perfect woman before you’ve even spoken a word to her. Don’t expect a girl to change your life or take you on a whirlwind adventure. Don’t expect her to drop everything else in her life in order to please you. Don’t read sappy articles on the Internet created by lonely people who think they know who their soulmates are before they’ve met them.

Date a girl whose life was complete before you met her and whose life will be complete after you leave her. Date a girl who’s been searching for a companion. Date a girl who you think might be interesting. Date a girl for the heck of it. But for heaven’s sake, don’t date a girl because you think she’ll make your life into a movie.

A response to “Date a girl who reads” and “Date a girl who travels” because I am sick and tired of people who expect a woman (read: manic pixie dream girl) to fix their lives.


I originally wrote this on May 17, 2012 on my tumblr account. I just read this great article about real life manic pixie dream girls, which is what brought this to mind. I don’t think we’ve outgrown this ridiculous need to force women to be supporting characters in someone else’s story. Like the author of the article, I would prefer to be the creator and main character in my own story.

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